Week 22

Gili T – Nusa Lembongan – Bali – Switzerland bound!!!

Well folks, the time has come. Lil Spills’ global tour has reached its end. I’m not sure it’s the end of Lil Spills though because writing this has absolutely been one of my favourite parts of this trip. I’m sitting and writing this outside a coffee shop in Sanur in Bali, the rain is hammering it down. Kind of a beautiful way to end this trip, with the universe sobbing for my departure. Joking. Before I get all soppy, I’ve had a really wonderful last week so I definitely want to write about that first.

So I did end up going out that evening in Gili T. It was pretty much my only boozy evening of the entire week. I’ve hardly felt like drinking, I just don’t think I’ve wanted any hangovers and I feel really good for it. So a few of us had drinks on the roof of the hostel, it was a small but lovely group. Once again some of the names escape me, but there was a lovely guy called Jack who’s birthday it was, and two other people who were really lush. We made the most out of happy hour and then headed out into the Gili T night! We ended up at a spot called Jungle, which maybe in a slightly different headspace/year of age I would have really enjoyed, but I only managed an hour before having to duck out and leave the rest of em to it. They were remixing Kesha’s ‘Timber’, so you get the vibe of the sort of music. It was fun while it lasted, but it was time for me to get a chocolate bar and head home, and that’s exactly what I did. 

The next day was one of my favourites of my trip so far. I was feeling a little jaded from the margaritas, so I had the intention of spending the day el solo at the beach, but after meeting some lovely people at breakfast I decided to say YES to spending the day with them. This day was a reminder to always be open to not always doing things my way, like yes I absolutely need and want my alone time, but saying yes to the unplanned can be so wonderful and fulfilling. In our little group was me, Trent (28) from Perth who was the loveliest guy ever, Stina (32) from Denmark who was also totally lush, and then the loveliest girly from the Netherlands who was 23 and it is absolutely appalling I can’t remember her name because we actually spent two days together. Trent suggested we go and swim with the turtles, which because of my lack of research I hadn’t realised were such a thing on Gili T, but my GOD it absolutely blew my mind. We rented some snorkels, goggles and flippers and set out for our late morning swim in search of turtles. This was by far one of the most magical moments of my trip, and I don’t think I’ll ever forget swimming alongside a turtle. I’d never seen one before and I had no idea how big they were, and frankly just beautiful. Snorkelling is just so much fun, I find it so peaceful, and add in there two turtles, I’m not sure it gets any better. I can’t remember which one of us suggested it, but somebody threw out the idea of having a shroom shake. They are everywhere on GIli T, and the vibe between the four of us was so lovely we were all pretty up for it. We found a lovely beach bar a bit further up, Trent was a regular mushroom man so had a triple dose (dose???) and myself and the others had a double (I think it was like 4 grams each). Safe to say none of us felt much, a little wobbly and heavy and pretty chill, but I was definitely expecting more. It didn’t really matter though, it was still pretty lush and we swam some more and saw another turtle, this time feeling a little shroomy everything looked even more beautiful, I remember distinctly looking at the light underwater reflecting off my hands and thinking ‘What is life?’ (in a super wholesome way xo). We chilled on the beach for a little longer, decided it was time to eat and I managed to convince them to go to my favourite spot La Cala for a burger. My vibe for my final week has definitely been just fucking go for it as I’ve basically gone from beach club to beach club eating and laying on my arse. It’s been everything I wanted and more. Post-burger we cycled over to the other side of the island to pitch up for the sunset. We sat with our beers and spoke very frankly about the ups and downs of travelling solo, life, relationships, blah blah. All the good shit. As Trent so accurately described it: “The best worst mushie day ever”. Trent and Stina were leaving the next day, a reminder of the transient nature of some of these relationships, both a sad and kind of beautiful part of travelling. You connect and then you move on. Trent was honestly such a wholesome guy, he had the most lovely energy about him, super invested in everything you had to say, was stopping at numerous points to speak to randomers. He had hair down to his shoulders and about 6 guys throughout the day had shouted at him “Long hair, long life!!!’. He’d travelled on and off for about 6 years, mostly with his ex, and this was his first trip on his own. He was heading back to Australia soon to start working in the mines in an admin role, where he would be making about 120K A YEAR. WTF. His plan was to work there for a year (the hours are hardcore) and save for a house, because after all his travelling he’s realised how important it is to him to have a nest, somewhere to come back to. I can definitely relate, there’s something special about having one place to return to. I can’t relate to 120K a year though, or the hopes of buying a house, ever 🙂 After watching another beautiful sunset, we cycled to the nightmarket for some dinner. This was by far the hottest place maybe on earth, and we all rammed our food down our throats so fast because we were sitting in puddles of our own sweat. I ate some steak with noodles, tempe, spinach, a buffet style vibe. I also had a tuna skewer but the colouring of it was making me feel a bit weird so I decided to leave it. Trent ate it though, fucking pig. The kids wanted to go out that night, but mama was tired, so I had a beer on the roof with everyone and then had an early night with Netflix. Vibes.

The next day I headed back to La Cala to grab a lounger by the beach. That lovely 23 year old I was talking about came and joined me at lunch time, and after a couple of hours I decided to go for a wander and completely by mistake I ended up in a spa?!?!??!?! I couldn’t believe it, but I had another massage, Balinese style bebbeh. I stopped for a bite to eat on the way home, I went for an egg bun type thing, it was yummy but secured my intolerance to eggs as I had to take two imodiums about an hour later. Thank God there was no one in my dorm when I got home, praised be. After my stomach had settled and death by shitting didn’t feel like a real possibility, I had a lovely dusky walk over the island to meet ??? (so terrible) at the outdoor cinema. Wakanda Forever was showing and I was SO excited as I’d not seen it yet and Marvel is life. We pitched up on bean bags, grabbed some popcorn and enjoyed three hours of pure magic. What a sensational film. We wandered home together and had a really interesting conversation about climate change. Her Dad refuses to fly because of climate change, and we were discussing the importance of travel/exploration, and how maybe things would be different if we were encouraged to see more of where we live? It was very interesting. 

I’d decided to have a surf lesson the next day, so I met Kadek at about 11am with two other lovely girls who were also just learning to surf. It was SO much fun. The waves were pretty chill so it felt like I had adequate time to rest inbetween and I just loved it so much. Being able to get up is just such an amazing feeling. Kadek gave me his friend’s number so I could surf with him in Nusa Lembongan and I was on my way back to the hostel. I’m being genuine this time when I hadn’t actually planned to get a massage that day but I passed the most STUNNING looking spa on the way home and it just felt like the right moment to get a head massage. I’m not one to deny my body what it needs guys? I splashed out for this one and spent £15 for 30 minutes, which relatively speaking is very expensive, but the vibes were impeccable and the head massage even better. I headed back to La Cala for an afternoon of reading and eating, and then quite randomly decided it was the perfect time to get a tattoo. I’d had the women on the back of my neck tattooed on Gili T 6 years ago when I was with Maraid, so it felt quite full circle to get another one here. 6 years on, el solo and at the end of my trip. I’m so happy with it, she’s beautiful and fits perfectly on my arm. The experience at the tattoo shop was definitely an interesting one, G who manages the shop, and his friend B (not sure what his role is) spent the majority of the time I was there talking about sex, and wanking, and how long they can last in bed. I appreciate how aggressive that sounds, and it was definitely too much, but there really seems to be this culture there of these young guys cheating on their wives with tourists. Pretty grim really. B was telling me how he’s in an open relationship with his wife who lives on Lombok, where he basically does what he wants and she has no idea. It all felt very unfair. G asked me out on a date that evening, I politely declined (in my own way, I lied basically). I wish I’d said more about how unfair it all sounds, but there were four of them and one of me, and on some level I felt intimidated. Fucking men. That evening I took myself out to somewhere called Jali Kitchen for dinner, I’d been recommended it and it really lived up. I had to book it 24 hours in advance, and I’ve got to say there’s something quite empowering about turning up to a snazzy restaurant on your own and enjoying your book with a glass of wine. I didn’t feel an ounce of self-consciousness, I was just in my own little world with moments of feeling so proud that I didn’t find this scary, if anything the opposite. I hope that’s something I take back home with me, the joy in going out for dinner on your own, and just being able to do that. 

The next day it was time to head to Nusa Lembongan. I’d debated going to Gili Air which was only thirty minutes away, but I’d heard such lovely things about Nusa and it sounded pretty different to Gili T. I’m so glad I chose Nusa, partly because the journey there was pretty hellish and that meant I didn’t have to do it the day before my flight. I left at about 11am for my boat journey to Nusa, I’d been told it was a direct journey, LIES!!! I didn’t think I felt ill on boats, but after 3 hours on this boat I was feeling pretty terrible. We arrived at Nusa Penida where with absolutely no explanation, we were ferried into another car to another port to get a different boat to Lembongan. There were a couple of people who were really kicking up a fuss about this journey. Idiots. They clearly don’t know how to go with the flow like me. One of these said idiots was seated next to me in the front of the car and it was an agonizing 30 minutes. I don’t know if he was coked up, but he was absolutely frantic, blasting the music from the radio and he kept honking the driver’s horn. I wanted to punch him in the face. Arrogant prick. He probably thought I was such a miserable guts, but I’m quite enjoying finally learning the art of not having to make everybody comfortable. He was a dick and he deserved to feel like one. We got onto another very small boat for our 10 minute journey to Nusa L, and my aggy mood quickly ended when we were watching the sun go down from this tiny little boat driving between islands. Completely stunning. Two boats, some serious nausea and 6 hours later I made it to my beautiful homestay, The Parnas. I’d booked myself a lil bungalow for three nights to go out with a bang, and this homestay was just the perfect place. Super quiet, run by the kindest women called Wiani and just the cosiest atmosphere. I spent my last three days pretty much on my own for the entire time and I loved it. This is exactly how I wanted to finish my trip. That evening I took myself out for seafood, a whole snapper to be precise, came back and had a late night swim under the stars, and slept like a baby in the comfiest bed known to man.

The next day I had breakfast at the hotel and then got on my scooter to explore the island. I drove around for the majority of the morning, stopping for a coffee (iced latte with ice cream in – way too intense) on Nusa Ceningan (the much smaller neighbouring island) and a lovely sandwich by The Blue Lagoon. I’d decided to do a surf lesson that afternoon, from about 4pm – 6pm as I’d never surfed at sunset before and it was pretty fucking cool. The journey to the place didn’t go exactly to plan as I got really lost on my scooter, ended up parking somewhere, beginning to walk and encountering two dogs who basically chased me away and the only thing I could think to do was just keep repeating ‘Hey hey hey’ really calmly. It didn’t work and I was fully expecting them to bite me/kill me. Absolutely terrifying actually and my heart was beating so fast. Would have been such a bummer to die/need a rabies jab on my last few days. I turned up to the lesson in such a flap, and we were taken by boat to a surf spot where the waves basically break much further away from shore, I think they call it mid-tide? I honestly just heard that term once so I’m probably wrong, but I think I’m a pro-surfer now, so… Anyway, as is always the way, I didn’t catch the first couple of waves, but once I found my rhythm this was the best I’d felt surfing so far. I felt super confident and strong, and by the end I was managing to surf the wave either left or right. Worth noting that my instructor was telling me when to go and which direction the wave was going, but still guys!!!!!!!! It felt amazing, and so good to like push my body. I will miss the waves bruh. I didn’t encounter any wild dogs on the way home, which was a vibe, so I made it back in one piece, showered and headed out for a low key dinner down the road of Mae Goreng (fried noodles basically). I won’t tell you what I did on the way home, but it starts with ‘ma’ and ends in ‘ssage’. Riddle me that.

Each day in Nusa I told myself this would be the day I would get up for a yoga class, but my bed was so cozy and comfy and I never wanted to leave it, so yoga never did happen. I skipped breakfast at the hotel on my last day (yesterday) to take myself to Ohana’s beach club for a breakfast of peanut butter on toast with banana, honey, nuts and cinnamon. Absolutely buff. I pitched up on a sunbed and spent the next few hours listening to music and reflecting on the last 6 months. I was feeling pretty wholesome yesterday. That evening I tookmyself to Cloudland bar to watch the sunset (albeit a very cloudy sunset) with a Bintang and then to Sandy Bay Beachclub for a swanky pizza and two glasses of white wine. It was stunning. The waves were insane and I felt super relaxed. 

That brings me to today. My final day. I left this morning at about 11am from The Parnas to catch the boat to Sanur, where I’m staying tonight before leaving tomorrow morning. The weather has been shocking today, so the thirty minute boat journey to here was pretty hectic. I was bracing myself for the boat to capsise and wondering whether I would fit through this tiny window if I really had to. Unlikely. She’s not petit. There was also a kid next to be vomiting into a plastic bag for the entire journey. Vibes. I made it to Sanur early this afternoon, got completely drenched in the rain and into my hotel at about 2pm. I’ve been sitting in this little cafe for a couple of hours, watching the world go by and then tonight I’ve booked myself a farewell dinner at a lovely wine and bistro near the hotel. 

So that’s it! I did it, I made it. I talked about it for so many years and I actually went and did it. I feel like it’s been by far one of the best experiences of my life so far, alongside being one of the hardest. I’ve never felt freedom like it, the experience of having every single day ahead of you with not a single obligation, just endless oppurtunities. I’d really like to think I haven’t taken that for granted, I feel so so lucky that I’ve had the chance to do this. I feel equally as lucky to have had the most beautiful support system on the end of the phone ready to console me with one of my many and varied breakdowns. So many of the things I’ve done felt pretty impossible 6 months ago, standing up on a surfboard, navigating public transport in Singapore without a simcard, having a full blown anxiety attack in a bunk bed and just having to wait for it to pass. I’m so proud of having had the oppurtunity to face it all alone. I wonder how I will feel about this trip in weeks and months to come, many people have said coming back from travelling is pretty tough, so we shall see. Keep your phones close folks!!! I’m actually welling up writing this, it’s like my life is ending or something? I don’t think it would be me if I didn’t make this really emotional! There’s been a few moments on this trip where I’ve looked around and thought ‘Am I doing this the right way?’ but at the end of the day, there was only ever going to be my way. There are a million ways this experience could have turned out, but I pick this one every time; completely clueless as to what’s next for me, beyond grateful for my freedom and independence, and more in awe than ever at all the different ways to live life. Maybe I’ll be back folks, who knows?! 

Thanks for sticking with me guys, I imagine the novelty of a middle class gal moaning about anxiety while laying on a beach in Thailand could have easily worn off. Grateful for you always. I read this quote the other week by D.H Lawrence and thought it was pretty beautiful, so I feel it’s the perfect way to sign off….

“All real living hurts as well as fulfils. Happiness comes when we have lived and have a respite for sheer forgetting. 

Happiness, in the vulgar sense, is just a holiday experience. 

The life-long happiness lies in being used by life; hurt by life, driven and goaded by life, replenished and overjoyed with life, fighting for life’s sake.

That is real happiness.”

Songs of the trip: Libianca – People, Michael Leah – Delusion, Xavier Rudd – Follow the Sun, Raye – Buss it Down, Jacob Banks – Coolin, The 1975 – Happiness, Sam’s whole album… obv. 

Books of the trip: Eat, Pray, Love – Elizabeth Gilbert, A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry, A Thousand Splendid Suns – Khaled Hosseini, Tin Man – Sarah Winman, Pageboy – Elliot Page, A Heart That Works – Rob Delaney, Why Did You Stay? – Rebecca Humphries